there's no place like home.

i'm home. i am very happy to be home. i love my home. and everyone in it.

however...

i miss my bangalore home terribly. i miss everyone in that home too.

bittersweet this is, to reunite with those i love whilst leaving the new lovely people in my life.

only 5 more sleeps

i have returned from a two-week journey into the north of india. delhi then agra then jaipur then jaisalmer then jodhpur then dharamsala. i cut my trip short by 6 days as i miss bangalore and my friends! and dharamsala is an over-priced tourist market. not my style.

i didn't get sick, and despite my jaisalmer-desert camel guide's best efforts, was NOT sold to pakistan for 25 camels. yay! so, two floods and another hospital visit later, i am back in bangalore for the next 5 days. this is amazing as i am here for my friends birthday, and i saw my landlady for the last time before she undergoes surgery.

i haven't stopped reading for 10 days. love it.

this is it!

Well, it appears the time has come. Today is the last day of my internship. 13 weeks already. And the last few days (weeks/months!) have been very busy… booking my travels for the next three weeks, preparing for my upcoming school year, housing arrangements, job hunting, finishing my projects here, filling out endless feedback forms, meetings meetings, trying to stay OUT of the bathroom, frantically trying to keep updated with news from home… writing writing writing, for the Bangalore newspaper, Janaagraha newspaper, Janaagraha blog, my blog, for the York newspaper, emails… entering photo contests, organizing conferences… trying to catch persistent mosquitos, trying to dodge traffic. I almost got hit by a bus on Monday. hahaha.aahahaha.ahahaa. I’m laughing out loud… such a cliché. It was actually two buses… hahahaaa. I dodged one bus and ran in front of another. This place is insane… This has been a vacation, but definitely not a vacation.

So, I have survived India so far… so far. 24 more sleeps to go though – perils outlined below.

Indian meanie #1: see above

Indian meanie #2: we counted on Wednesday that I have been sick (CONFINED to the bathroom) 8 times. 8 times. That’s every 1.6 weeks. That means every 11 days I am curled up on cold tile next to cold porcelain (dodging my pet cockroach and new eerie spider) in my bathroom. I’ve been hospitalized twice… (which is really just paying $5 to see a quack, who happens to practice in the hospital instead of a walk-in) for conditions not even related to the ladies room. These past few days were fun. Saturday night I chipped my two front teeth on a the-worst- beer-ever beer bottle (tiny tiny chips, but sharp boy). Monday night I ate deep fried chilis (enjoyed many times before) which, this time, almost killed me – I’m serious. Tuesday night, so tired, slipped in the shower, smacked my head, what felt like shattered my knee and foot and, like any stubborn fool, went to sleep. However, did NOT sleep… as a nasty creature had somehow entered my body at some point during the previous day or two, and felt he had had enough of me… and from midnight – 7am, made his way out. This was the 8th time.

Indian meanie # 3 – bombs. see below

Indian meanie # 4 – the heat. see below

Tomorrow morning I leave for Delhi. It is Independence Day on Sunday. Beth, the chickee I’m travelling with, is convinced we are going to be blown up.

For those who share this opinion, pleasssseee stop thinking this.

After Delhi, the Taj Mahal. 40 degrees. Then a three-city tour of the desert. The desert. Near the Pakistani border. I will not be blown up here either. Nor will I drown in floods. It’s the desert. After this, Beth leaves and I travel up north to the Himalayas with my new friend, Velu. After 6 days he leaves and I am alone in the mountains, with the Dalai Lama. I stay there until the 2nd, then I fly on the 4th and arrive on the 5th to see your smiles.

The computer techie down the hall, Satish, calls me Michael Jackson. So I guess, this is it...

Joc

where i am not...

so you may have caught the latest news on leh, in kashmir. the place i am supposed to visit in two weeks... it was hit by a cloudstorm that caused massive flooding. 150+ have died and 4000 tourists are stranded. the airport is closed and communication is down.

so...

i am not going to leh.

where am i?

my internship ends august 13.

august 14 - august 23 the northwestern state of rajasthan. this includes jaipur, jaisalmer, jodhpur. the land of kings. millennia of merchants and palaces and desert. jaisalmer is 35km from the pakistani border. i'm going to sleep in a tent in the desert. about 40 degrees. !!!!!

august 23 - september 3 the state of jammu and kashmir. this includes dharamsala and leh. yes, the kashmir we hear about in the news. however these places are not in disputed areas. they are, however, in the mountains - the himalayas actually. dharamsala is where the dalai lama lives. about 0 - -10 degrees. !!!!!

september 4/5 - toronto :)

for what joy?

It appears it has been almost another month since I’ve written. Wow.

In our pre-departure meeting, the lovely Larissa! discussed with us interns the rollercoaster (s) of emotions that we were likely to experience on this adventure. She endearingly drew little rollercoasters within larger rollercoasters, resulting in what became before me a telling picture of heartbeats within heartbeats. Having already experienced lengthy stays away from home, I “knew” about this rollercoaster and thought I was prepared… This experience, however, the emotions I feel, are quite different than my previous journey to Asia. In part, I think, because I am stationed in one city as opposed to carefree and constantly on the move. Seeing new faces, new landscapes. Encompassed in this is quite a bit: the routine we maintain at home is now transplanted to this strange place… this means waking up for work; walking the same route; shopping at the same grocery stores; eating at the same places…

My rollercoastersssss…

So what if you have some qualms about this routine? What if you haven’t wakened before 10am in two years? What if you are tired of rolling your ankles by mis-stepping on the scary sidewalks on your way to work? What if you are tired of dodging traffic? Dodging dog shit? What if you are ready to scream in the streets every time a tuktuk honks beeps honks beeps honks beeps? What if you don’t want to smell pee multiple times in a day anymore? What if you feel all of this before 10am?

So then you sit down at your desk. And look around. Enjoy your chai. Will I remember Janiki Ama, our patient and intuitive tea lady? What will happen to the groundbreaking project I am working on? How did my new friends enjoy their evening last night? I can’t wait to hear about that… What will we all do tonight? Where will we travel this weekend? What will they teach me next? When will I next be part of a rivoting debate on Indian development… with Indians? Will I forget the beauty of the monsoon rains staining roads red with Indian earth? What if all this is before lunch?

What if these questions float in and out each day? What if they are fragments of larger discourse like self-reflection, self-discovery, the past, the future, values, capacities, ideals. What if your heart is beating so fast you can’t even think? What if you need to sit down because your mind is racing?

All of this seems to be related to my travel patterns… those weekends I stay in Bangalore I struggle for Toronto. Those weekends I am in rural south India there is no place I’d rather be. Do we need to coast to feel the thrill of adventure? Do we need to roll around and get dirty before we can see the calm?

Some people think rollercoasters aren’t worth the lineup. Personally, there is no feeling quite like submitting to the all-powerful tuck-tuck-tuck-tucks of that ascent before the plummet, inside screaming ’What am I doing; I could die at any moment’…

What do I feel at this moment? Only five more weeks left on this ride. I can’t wait to wake tomorrow morning and smile as a tuktuk flies down my street honking good morning to all. I still can’t wait to think ‘I can’t wait to be terrified’.

ah man...

10 degrees in toronto right now? what i wouldn't give...

i miss my city so much. i am DISGUSTED EMBARRASSED that she is under attack by both those who are blinded by the fight, and by those who have yet to open their eyes. be just when fighting for justice. stay classy toronto.

so...

I bought a beautiful shisha… sooo nice. I bought a guitar… sooo nice. I don’t even know how to play a guitar, and it was an impulsive but perfect purchase. That night (last week) us whities went to my girls’ Rency and Anamika!!!’s house and cooked dinner. It was wonderful. After eating we broke out the guitar and pretended that we could play, then the power went out and for a good chunk of time we ate dessert and sang in the dark. On the way home we were warned by street dogs that we should have taken a tuktuk.

This past weekend was my first Indian binge weekend and was it fun!
Friday: dancing all night to my MAN Mr. Michael Jackson with Karthik!! and his hospitable friends. Saturday: little sleep and two masala dosas, 15 of us went to ThejU!’s house as a going away party for the 5 members of the team who are leaving to pursue their dreams. We had delicious home cooked food and stayed up alllll night laughing and laughing and laughing, followed by sophisticated and stimulating conversation about differences in western and Indian culture, specifically my favourite topic, Love. We confronted the merits of the caste system, arranged marriage, Indian/western concepts of love and its manufacture and growth. When dawn came some left us and we who remained played mini soccer (I lost), then took a road trip to Hogenakkal Falls in the Southeastern state of Tamil Nadu. 3 hours later we trekked into these plains, took a mushroom-cap boat through the river, got soaked in our jeans, burned my feet in the sand and laughed. No words can express my 3 hour bike ride (with no helmet :)) back through rural Indian villages and palm trees into the sunset. We stopped for chai at a man’s home who had no eye and spoke three languages. I felt like he has seen more than I have. That night we continued into the night by watching the World Cup while I worked on a project presentation scheduled for the next day. So perfect. So exhausted but never so wide awake.

Three weeks ago… Mumbai. Wow. 20 million people but not crowded at all. Clean, the coast beautiful. The heat… the heat… We went to the largest slum in Asia – Dharavi Slum. 1 million people in 1.75 square km in the centre of the city. The completely environmentally friendly and self-sufficient industries within the slum export US$665 million per year. Government land on which people have squatted because they have little alternative, now a permanent community.

I’ve just been put onto another project, creating a Citizenship Index… what does it mean to be a citizen in urban India? How is this defined? How is it measured? Gooooood solid stuff. My landlady’s daughter is the editor of a local newspaper and has asked me to write for her… the details of being a student here in India and at an NGO. I have a meeting with her tonight. So Pumped.

It hasn’t rained in a while… and it’s hot again. My tummy is fantastic. My cockroach is alive and kicking.

to be me or not to be me...

I’m sorry it’s been so long. I engage with my surroundings very much these days… whether it be going out EVERY night to dinner, shisha, hanging out at my new friends’ houses :) or working late and/or early hours so as to learn more and more about the projects I’m working on. My boy G-Top (Grahammallen) moved in last week and another intern from Australia, Geeta! has made us a family trio! I will post again within the next few days with more cool info, otherwise this blog will literally be a month long. And I guess I'm having such a blast that the days are flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyying.

How have I changed? This is my second extensive journey to Asia so I wasn’t overly shocked by the cockroaches, garbage, smelly streets, heat, bartering, eating with my fingers, frequent stares, squat toilets, upset tummy, bottled water, scary water, dirty water, dirty feet, sweaty sweaty sweaty all the time, gaping sidewalks, dirty air, bad skin, bacterial infection, Asian style medicine, the heat, the heat. Although initially taken aback, I have quickly become re-accustomed to these things. Perhaps like riding a bike... A side note: I find these tangibles beautiful and have struggled both internally and externally in conversations (usually with other westerners) about their merits and how they relate to ‘development’, specifically the culturally compatible kind that I am interested in – but I’ll talk about that next time.

Yes I barter, yes I walk away when I am overcharged, yes I eat with my hands without washing them, yes I drink unbottled water, yes I speak Hindi whenever I can, albeit a poor attempt most of the time. I pronounce names as they should be pronounced, I still smile at everyone I see, even the auto drivers. I don’t get as upset as I used to when a smile is not reciprocated. But when it is, boy do I feel nice.

On gender: well... I DO NOT like being told what to do. Straight up. So India and I have some wrinkles to iron out in this regard. My female and white and foreign voice will sometimes be ignored. At the beginning of this adventure, Grahammallen sometimes enjoyed more respect, more attention, and fair prices, being called sir and approached differently. But I find that as I smile and speak softly, in Hindi or English, I am increasingly afforded the same respect as G-Top. Though, last week my favourite ING bank security guard, Walter, tried to negotiate my 'price'. Ha! Equality between men and women is something we take for granted at home. And India is actually alright when it comes to gender equality. Women are in parliament, hold esteemed places in education and society; many homes are matriarchal - In Saudi Arabia, women are not allowed to drive. We got it good girls.

I went to Mumbai three weeks ago and this past weekend went to Hogenakkal with my cool coworkers. Incredible. This week I’m going to Hampi; the week after a three stop journey to Southeastern India, where the Bay of Bengal meets the Indian ocean. We will sleep on the beach. Yaaaa.

the whys and hows...

howdy!

on to the analysis part of it all... i have become enlightened with rationale for much of the craziness i see, and wish to share with you, patient reader.

the dogs: my fellow Yorki, Grahammallen, has made me aware of social and legal policy in Bangalore that not only ensures the protection of street dogs but monitors their even distribution across the city, allowing for a harmonious coexistence between man and beast. that's pretty awesome. though they want to eat me after dark, they're just little pooches! what this speaks to, though is the spirituality within people here, and the legitimacy of it at the government level. i think this is commendable.

cockroach roomate: i fixed the drainage pipe behind my sink, aka his front door. i came home today and looked for him, with a smile, but he did not appear. to my pals at home, and the Yorki's who remmeber that thing that i love: bugs... yes, i still love bugs, and yes, i still won't kill them. even in India. maybe strange and absurd to a few, but i feel bad that i've restricted his entry into my home. these things are resilient, so i'm sure he'll be back. :)

traffic: i don't know about this one yet. sorry, but this, i just don't get. i love every terrifying moment though. i think i've mastered crossing the street too. i even yelled at a tuktuk driver when he stopped honking.

garbage, pipeage and drainage: the NGO i intern at, Janaagraha Centre for Citizenship and Democracy, is concerned with the development of urban India, in a Bangalore setting. i am in an environment that discusses the nature of various city services and their impact on the citizens of Bangalore, and can offer some insight into the 'problems' here. these are detailed in an official training session that i will attend in 10 days, but from what i understand, infrastructure development and/or maintenance is dependent upon a highly decentralised government structure. for example, the water pipe repair services are not in communication or coordination with the road laying services, or the private/public (??) garbage pick-up services. this means that if a new road has been laid, and a water pipe bursts, the water people will rip up the new road, without clearing it with the road people. this means that the road people may or may not know that their new road has just been ripped up. the garbage man sometimes can't enter streets because of these issues, leaving garbage to be collected by the poor, or left on the side of the road. unsightly, yes, but more importantly, a clog in the city's drainage system (that's what the gaping holes are under the sidewalk! sewers!). a ripple effect is felt here when the monsoon rains arrive and flooding is rampant. what complicates matters is there is little clarity on the appropriate avenues through which citizens can address their concerns: who do they complain to, the road, water, or garbage people?

my point here is that, as i make Bangalore my new home, and for many of us in the 'developed' world who see the news reports of dirty and developing world 'backwardness', we often fail to think about the fundamentals behind these infrastructure differences. the intricacy is incredible.

i've also learned a little bit more about Indian religion and culture. a vast network of different values and practices within India, to learn even a small amount is an undertaking in itself. i can't wait.

some have called me brave; some have suggested i come home. please don't get me wrong... my dry and direct picture that i've painted does not convey the permanent smile on my face and the utter joy i feel every moment i am in this beautiful place (except for those pesky tuktuk drivers). four months is nowhere near enough time here.

this weekend we're going to rock out in Mumbai. 20 million people. 40 degrees. bollywood. oh boy.

awed and awakened.

namaste!
it's been a while and on one hand, not much has changed; on the other, there are some crazy stories to tell! this post, therefore, is a long one and will be followed by another, more analytical approach to the craziness i see.

for those of you who don't know - winter is my FAVOURITE season. i love the snow. i love the cold. i love the no-heat. my internship in summer-time India is, therefore, an ironic chuckle to those back home, and to my new firends at work in Bangalore, an outright laugh. when i enter the office after my death-defying morning walk, or after my spicy lunchtime, i am sure to please as i towel dry my entire body (i'm not kidding - i carry with me a 3' by 3' thick cotton hanky. the heat is becoming more and more bearable though, as i spend my days with little lighting and many many fans - cherished for their magic wind all the more, as power cuts are frequent and lenghty. the heat works its magic in other ways. the stench of rotten, and fresh, garbage is made all the more invasive particularly as we embark on our lovely walk to lunch. our walks home, or rides in tuktuks/taxis, are navigated through blankets of thick sweaty smog, which is amplified at night by traffic's headlights.

India is known globally for its stray dogs. i remember reading my beloved Economist and its take on the issue. i was ignorant of their position in Indian society until i saw for myself the overrunning population of man's best friend, and the packs and territories they protect. my roommate's tale of fear put me in my place: she and two others were charged by a pack of teeth-barring street dogs necessitating the hurling of objects and intervention of locals to their defense. i haven't looked at my furry friends the same way since.

i have experienced by first bout with indian tummy woes. though a tiny, but painful, encounter here in Bangalore, Toronto would call this a bad bit of food poisoning. i'm sure i will develop an intimate relationship with my toilet over the next 3.5 months. yay!

the discrimination we face as foreigners is blatant and institutionalised. Indian and foreigner prices are clearly differentiated. we struggle daily for fair taxi prices and are ripped off frequently. the justifications for such are too countless to share. some occurences are simple refusals to give change, other drivers respond to our destination requests by driving away. the latter is an infuriating phenomenon that brings to mind my favourite Toronto taxi drivers that i find pleasant and respectful. i find it fascinating that in Bangalore, a city of 6 million (i swear a solid million are taxi drivers), a guaranteed ride ain't too bad. this is something my roomate and i are perplexed by: the sign on the meter says 'for hire'. why so RUDE? it seems there is a 'can't be bothered' element here... very very strange.

i've seen two accidents: one lady was knocked off her bike; a man was hit by something and ended up on the (2' wide) shoulder, clearly in pain. when she stood up the lady was greeted by fellow drivers from all directions and assisted - traffic stopped (yup. traffic stopped in India). the same happened for the man, but, our taxi driver did something that i think will stay with me forever. for those new to my blog, traffic in India is INSANE by Toronto standards. every car, cart, truck, taxi, bike and bus crams into EVERY POSSIBLE SPACE regardless of lane, direction or speed. so, when our taxi driver squished his little tuktuk into the spaces amongst the area where the injured man lay, it was not surprising. what was surprising, however, is that in doing so, he purposely drove into two sets of people who were trying to cross the jammed street. perhaps this is difficult to convey... he turned his wheel both left and right INTO these people - it was a malicious move. i discussed this with my roomate and she didn't catch it - a testament perhaps to the speed at which it happened. but i caught it. and i was sickened. i felt sick that amongst such chaos (to me), amongst a gathering of people concerned for the injured man, our funny and old driver, would or could hurt someone. i even called him out on it. i immediately demanded to know why he drove into those people. he didn't answer. i find it very interesting that amongst such filth, discrinination, unfriendliness, pollution, and invastion of personal space, safety and senses, that it is this one small and fast instance of inhumanity that i am most repulsed and left astonished by.

so... i am an International Development major. this means i study the hows, and more importantly, the whys of the economic, political and social dynamics and processes of the developing world. the nature of my internship lends serious weight to my own personal 'development' ideas and concerns. i have been blessed with a dynamic and highly intelligent professional setting, and most comforting, a roommate (Jessicaaaaa!!!!!!!) and fellow York intern (Grahammallen!!!!!!!) that have enlightened me with new and alternative and solid perspectives on 'development'. though we engage in stimulating discussions about Bangalore's hows and whys, i feel that i have not even skimmed the surface of what lies ahead.

with the help of my new Indian friends i have clarified many cultural confusions and gained incredible insight into the rationale for such vast differences in our practices and values. perhaps it is my nagging toilet, or my clogged coughs, but a more detailed offer of insight into the logic behind such will follow in my next post - perhaps tomorrow.

this is the best thing to ever happen to me! and i'm learing Hindi. booya!

my first three days...

hello all... i made it! a short description of my first three days in bangalore.

leaking fridge, no hot water, a hissing cockroach that lives in my bathroom. about 10 slimy red worms swimming in my toilet. caught in monsoon rain in which two people died. my way to work: try not to fall in the GAPING holes in the sidewalk, under which is about 3-4 feet of space in all directions. who knows what is under there. cross the roundabout with four lanes merging into one, from four different directions. if you don't die, walk across the street into the dump where the family lives. once you pass the naked babies eating garbage, walk under the 'urine bridge' where everyone poos and pees. then cross the street and if you don't die, meet the either four donkeys (yesterday) or the two cows (today) and their poo and pee, and continue to work.

15 blisters on my feet, a cold and very very few smiles from passers by. when someone does smile, though, it is electric and warm and beaming. i am welcome at work and everyone seems shy and curious, but the young women here have embraced me. though i feel like my life is in danger at all times (and i can only imagine what the upcoming monsoon season will bring) i feel lucky that i have two projects lined up for me, both of which are directly relevant to my studies and are exactly what i want to be a part of. the insanity outside is pleasantly balanced with a relaxed and casual working environment.

i have three weekend trips planned already, to Mysore, Mumbai and Goa. i've never felt so defeated and pumped at the same time! i can only imagine what my fellow bloggers are experiencing and can't wait to find out!

joc

summer in india!

my visa was approved today! i think i'm in shock... i have to rebook my flight and hopefully i will fly this wednesday! :D

summer in toronto?

so, it looks like i may be in toronto for the summer after all. i am still waiting for the indian consulate to get back to me regarding my visa approval. i had to cancel my flight for last friday, and i had to pay a nasty fee to do so. i have been attending summer classes just in case, one of which, ironically, is India: Life and Culture! ha! i'm still very very very very sad, but happy that i get more time with the people that make me smile. :) i'm reading ghandi's essential writings, so when i get SUPER frustrated at bureaucracy, i take a deep breath and do some yoga. maybe i'm in india in my head!

still woes...

so, the indian consulate still doesn't like my internship info and told me it will take about a month to verify what they need to verify. sooo... it looks like i may not be leaving on friday. i'm at the mercy of strange diplomats and very very sad.

indian visa woes...

just an update... i was informed by the indian consulate in toronto today that my visa application may be denied pending receipt of additional documentation. the consulate wants to know that my host organisation is recognized by the indian government. my flight is booked for four days from now, so this is a scary development! i received the info i need today from my supervisor in bangalore, so i think it may work out after all! i'll know soon...